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there is a pallor of gray
a whiff of brine
an onion skin thin lace of smoke
doing clumsy flappy laps
round and round my heart
my private clown of a ghost fish

like Zivoradka*
or you or  me
it will not stay forever

a smile forms above my head
swift, silent
beamed on my chest
heavy like Earth
as my blood and bones
sing a duet
about ceaseless change

*Zivoradka is Konstantin’s (my 5-year old ex-neighbor) goldfish he won from a halloween party two years ago. I met Zivoradka Thursday night, September 13, 2012.  According to Matho, Konstantin’s father, Zivoradka has survived at least 10-15 other fancier fish who have shared its tank. Matho said everyday he is waiting for Zivoradka to die, which prompts Konstantin to hit him on the chest, which promts Matho to make a sad face and silently walk away, which makes Konstantin run after Matho, showering him with a sea of sorrys. Matho accepts and comes back to the kitchen where Zvoradka’s plactic lunchbox-like tank was. I wonder what Zivoradka was thinking as I snap snap snapped sad-quality pictures of its tank with my phone (I want  to draw Zivoradka). My body was digesting red velvet bundt cake, home made lemonade, and some chocolate wafer sticks from a red tin box while all this was happening.

Zivoradka is Bosnian for “one who lives a long life” or something like that.
I asked Melica, Matho’s wife & Konstantin’s mother, if that is a name used on humans and she said “Oh no no no!” while laughing “I just made it up.”

Zivoradka of the Kitchen

I think Zivoradka is a most awesome name for a genderless Halloween fish. It is unknown if Zivoradka is a boy or a girl.